I have the Monday ‘blahs”!  Sorry to admit it’s so, but since I value honesty and openness (now called ‘transparency’) and value you, our members and visitors - I have to say so!

 I used the early quiet Monday morning to try to get a gripe on understanding the mood and I think I got it!  Or at least a portion of “it”.

Oops, the Comcast technician has arrived!  Gonna’ get the tech problems of last week behind me!  Back in a flash, I hope!

In case you haven’t noticed, I view life as a series of ‘figures of speech’ lived out for ‘marketing purposes’!  You may have to think about this for a while.

One Blog Post day last week, I mentioned that the adult process of discovery is similar to the discovery process through which a baby notices things about himself  and the environment around her.

It may well be one of the most exciting aspects of the life process!

First let me say, the essence of ‘discovery’ is a part of our human nature – it comes with our genes (or jeans if you have the same kind of weird sense of humor I do).  We experience it as ‘curiosity’.  Without it, mankind would never have progressed!

The process begins with focus and focus leads to curiosity.  I likened it to when our early (and I mean real early) ancestors first saw smoke rising from dry dead wood after a lightening strike.  It must have gone something like this!

“Humm, what is that strange stuff in the sky where Yahweh struck something on the ground?” 

Drawn by this new phenomenon, the male (the hunter) struck out to take a closer look.  To his utter amazement, the dead wood had ignited and something that would be called “flames” and “fire” was discovered. 

The strange ‘lights’ coming from the wood were HOT and consumed everything near it.  “Humm, I wonder if I put that animal I just killed over the heat if it would make it taste better!”

Keeping with our simple illustration, curiosity paved the way for campfires; fireplaces; heat in the winter and cool in the summer; gas and electric stoves, rockets and space stations!

Just ponder where we’d be if it weren’t for our curious nature (when put to positive use of course)!

In our pursuit for positive personal and professional growth, curiosity can be the most exhilarating part of the process.  Reflect (there’s that word again) to a time when you discovered something really significant for yourself that had a major positive impact on your life.  Those discoveries that resolved challenges and moved you forward.  The ‘clarity’ that came when you were indecisive at a crossroad!

Remember the feelings, thoughts and general overall sense of awe, wonder, amazement and whatever words one uses to describe the “ah ha” experiences of life!   In my ‘dictionary’, “ah ha” is a synonym for discovery!

I wonder how many of you reading this noticed a little word I ‘slipped’ into the dialogue that serves as the ‘connecting rod’ for both reflection and discovery.

I’m not going to tell you – at least not today!  Have to have a little fun in life – once in a while!

Tomorrow I’ll pick up where we left off with that ‘connecting rod word’ so that we don’t miss any piece of the process as we move along the path of what I hope is some new learning for at least a few of you.

Now, I had an ‘ah ha’ earlier this morning.  I’m contemplating a revised banner for the website (don’t tell Glenn please).  In fact, it materialized as I drove to Indy on Friday.  I had such great enjoyment rolling it over in my head – looking at it from every angle.

Because the design is so metaphorical (what else would you expect from me, really); I was concerned that the meaning and message would not be clear to every woman who comes to visit and joins with us.  So I committed it to some mental reflection.  Friday night, Saturday day and into the wee hours of Sunday morning was fruitless.

Whaw Hoo (you know that word?)!  It came roaring out of the recesses of my mind like a wave crashing against the shore!  And it took attending church via the internet and the message from a wise man for it to get my attention.

“The Power’s In The Process!”

Yes, indeed, the ‘power’ that eventually grows into a sense of being empowered as a woman, comes from the “process”!  And it has everything to do with what we’ve been conversing about here over the past days!

The sun is bright in the heartland and the air is warm and pleasant!  Think I’ll venture out and see what the world outside my tiny office looks like these days.

Have an AWESOME rest of the weekend!

  Linda

It was a day of discovery for me!

Not the kind that comes from reflection necessarily, but what occurs when one hears other women’s stories.

I attended a networking event in Indianapolis and the women who spoke have written a book (in fact more than one I think).  Yes, they related their professional journeys, but what impacted all of us was their personal stories of overcoming tremendous challenges in their lifes!  Childhood sexual abuse, spouses diagnosed with life threatening diseases, and less than successful professional ventures. 

But they banded together!  They got their girlfriends together and formed a “kitchen table” group.  From their home tables, they supported, encouraged, planned, dreamed, laughed and cried together. 

Something women do well.

The future for them is much brighter now!  They have a best selling book and are heavily involved in working round the world to raise awareness of the horrible tragedy of child and women rape.

This sounds pretty somber for a late Friday afternoon and I don’t want to end the week on that kind of note.

What did I discover as a result of driving 88 miles one way to have lunch with 180 wonderful women and listen to the somber saga of two women of faith?

I discovered that there’s power in the message!  There’s power in what they shared and how they fought their way out of the maze of pain, suffering, fear, doubt, anger and life’s messiest situations.

Oh, I knew that before!  But busy days tend to turn my attention elsewhere and I forget that every word we utter to another has the power to “build up” or “tear down”.  I discovered that what I thought was an odd message for an annual women’s gala had a powerful impact that will be felt for a long time.

I do want to share this powerful nugget from Debbie’s story of the day’s when she thought her husband’s doctors were right in their doom and gloom prediction.

Somewhere along the way, she said, she learned the science about “gratitude”, and the “faith” of gratitude!

So she decided to give it a try and GUESS WHAT!  She related how every evening, she sat down with  journal in hand and “reflected” on the day’s events in order to find something to be grateful for.  And she wrote it down - imagine that!

Some days, she said, the only thing she could say was “Thank God, the dog didn’t pee on the carpet!”

But it worked!  Her husband still lives five or more years after the doctors said he wouldn’t.  Life, personal and professional, took a turn for the best!  She discovered that finding the key of gratitude opened the door to optimism, hope, faith and success.

Well I was blessed to hear her relate how she did the very thing we have been talking about over the past several days!  Taking time at the close of each day to sit quietly, reflect and write down what comes to mind.

It wasn’t the aspect of discovery I planned to talk about today.  But then Debbie’s life wasn’t what she “ordered” either (the theme of the book she co-authored with one of the ‘kitchen table’ gals).

What came from Debbie’s decision to seek hope through finding something each day for which she could be grateful - came as the result of taking time, forming a habit, looking back at the past 24 hours, and putting it on paper as a chronicle of her journey out of despair!

It was discovery for her!

It’ll be discovery for us as well!  Whatever challenge we face now as we live through the 2nd half of the journey, there’s always a way out to be discovered.

It may not be an inner issue that needs resolution.  Often it is not!  It may be that our challenge is to make wise decisions about retirement NOW before it is upon us!

It may be how to renew our marriage now that the kids have left home.  It may be whether or not to leave a rewarding career or profession when the money’s good, but the ‘title’ doesn’t fit as well as it once did - there’s that inner urge!

I call it an “inner itch” that beckons me to “scratch it”.

To “scratch it” means I can’t ignore it any longer.  It means I have to pay attention to ‘it’

And if I do, I just might discover the solution to my dilemna and the answer to the challenge that confronts me!

Well, this was definitely not the theme I planned to take with discovery for today’s conversation! 

But it does point out another key that’s important for the 2nd half of the journey and that’s “be open” to what unfolds each day.

When we are - we are open to discovery!

I got great news today from some very knowledgeable folks who’ll be adding their expertise here and on other aspects of AWP to benefit all our members!  It will take a little time to get all the pieces in place, but the wait will be worth it.  As I often say, “stay tuned” and “stay connected!”

I hope it’s been a great Friday! And I wish you a weekend of relaxation and refreshing.

Have an AWESOME AWP evening!

  Linda

Today is another one of those “off and running” days!  A large luncheon event on far northside of Indy - then a meeting nearby - then home and a birthday celebration with family!

Why am I telling you this?  To ‘cover my tracks’ as I delay today’s conversation here.

Anyway, when I get back to ‘our place’ here, I’ll begin our sharing on “discovery”.

So please come back later and ‘discover’!

Have an AWESOME AWP day!

  Linda

Let’s talk “practical reflection”!

A few days ago, I mentioned a simple exercise in which we all can engage that is reflection  - pure & simple!

Reflection need not be time consuming or difficult.   But it does take ‘practice’ to form the habit of reflection.  Consistent practice of the process of five (5) minutes of reflection time over seven (7) to fourteen (14) days will form the process into the habit of reflection!

Why is it important?

It isn’t if all we want from our lives is to go from one stage to the next without much to do about little.

It is very important if life has thrown us a curve (divorce or separation after years of marriage; death of something significant to us - whether a job, a person or the goals we wanted to achieve).

It’s also important if we’ve been the decision-maker of change and transition in our lives!

What do we do?  How do we start this process called reflection?

One way that works for many women is to take no more than five (5) minutes at some point during our day to be quiet and turn our minds to the events of the day.  To do so may take leaving the ‘hubbub’ of our daily routine and finding a place where we won’t be interrupted during the process.

This sounds laughable, but I used to make my quiet reflection time in the bathroom.  Remember yesterday’s e-letter “inspiring words” - if you have something tough to tackle - TAKE A BATH!

A locked door, warm water running, pleasant fumes rising from the water and enough candle light to make writing possible is not only engaging the reflection process - it relieves stress!

As the thoughts rise to the surface of your mind - write them down (yes you’ll have to keep a towel handy).  Make sure to put the date at the top of the page so when you go back to see the threads, the date gives you a frame of reference!

But if five (5) minutes is all you can carve out at the end of a hectic, packed-full day - then find a quiet place somewhere in your home or yard.  Sit quietly; let the stressors and hyper-energy flow out of your body and mind and then turn your thoughts to the events of the day (don’t forget to take that notepad with you).

Mentally look back over the past 24 hours! 

And remember, it’s not so much about the reality of the events, but what the events meant to you and how they might be relevant to life now - or in the future.

As women, we come to a number of junctions (crossroads) in our lives!  We roll from one role to the next - especially if we are parenting - or have parented - retired or preparing for retirement - finished a leg of our education or starting a new one.

You get the picture!

We roll from one task to another - tasks that are often totally unrelated to one another because we are involved in myriad numbers of projects.

When we come to those junctions or crossroads, the next part of the trip will have more clarity, focus and direction if we’ve taken just 5 minutes daily to put the day’s events and the meaning we attach to them - into a perspective.

And perspective is an aspect of the reflective process!

I’d really like to hear from those of you who have or continue to engage in consistent reflection.

What do you do and how has it been helpful to you as you’ve moved from stage to stage; season to season?

What tools, if any, do you use?

What’s the most positive thing that has happened for you and your life because you took the time to consistently practice the ‘art’ of reflection?

Oh, and what, if anything, did you discover during the process?

I know that your willingness to share here will be helpful to another woman who needs what you offer.  Especially as it relates to the tools you’ve found work for you!

Tomorrow, we’ll move from reflection to discovery! If you recall I said the the first key to the 2nd half of the journey is reflection and that leads to discovery.

Now that you’ve got a sense of the process (reflection) and some sense of how it can be helpful and empowering for you and the important matters in your life - we’ll spend some time talking about discovering.

Discovery, I have found, is one of the single most exciting things in life!  It’s like being a babe again who first discovers his or her hands.  It’s so much fun to watch a baby discover those funny-looking things hanging from chubby things that seem to go nowhere!

So without going there (“discovery”) before going there - we’ll save the fun for tomorrow!

Let me leave you with an ‘encouraging metaphor’ for the day! 

“Yellow lights have a purpose  - they slow us down.  Red lights have their purpose too - they halt us on our way.  We can view them as frustrating obstacles of delay.  Or we can use the time for productive thoughts as we wait for life to turn ‘green’!”

Have an AWESOME AWP day!

  Linda

I had to post this for the chuckle it gave me!

Linda

“Reflection” is often the start of something new, exciting &  great!  Trust me – been there, done that and got a tee-shirt to prove it!

I’m continuing our talk about reflection as one of the key (if not the key) ingredients of the 2nd half of the journey. 

Do you feel perhaps you’ve arrived at a crossroad at this point in your journey?  And the road straight ahead just doesn’t seem to beckon the way it did before?

Or maybe the road of your journey to this point stops at a crossroad and you’ve got to make a choice between the right fork or the left. 

Which way do I go?  Choosing can be a real challenge!

It’s one thing for us to talk about the theoretical.  And quite another to turn theory into practice.  To go from the process of reflection to the point where we choose to make what we’ve learned during the process a reality for the next season of our journey - or for the rest of the journey!

It’s easiest for me to share from my own journey to make a point or clarify the ‘obvious’.

My husband died at age 44 (I was 38).  Two of our three daughters were still in school - one just into the 6th grade.  It was not a sudden death as is often the case for widowed younger women.  We saw it coming  - or at least Alan and I did.

As we made our way through those early months, I had time to ‘think’ about how life might be in the future. 

But the immediate task was to re-enter the marketplace that I had just left because I was exhausted, disillusioned and (as I reflect on it now) angry!  I had to leave because I had a task to do - to care for my husband without the ’strings’ my employer attached if I wanted to keep my job.

The outcome was that I entered the market again, doing what I had a ‘passion’ for at the time. 

A passion to work with dying persons and their families.  I had the educational background and I had just done it in a very practical way!  So I negotiated a position with our local hospital who also needed someone to work with volunteer groups.  My ‘title’ was so long it wouldn’t fit on a name badge!

It would have lasted - that role in a setting that allowed me to live out the role for which I had such passion.  Then change came.  Transition rolled into view and it was time to go.

After a bare six & one half years, I arrived at a crossroad!  The time to ‘reflect’ on how I wanted to live out the next season of life spanned 10 long months.  At its end, I chose a path that led to the city.  A city with different connections, challenges, opportunities and a ‘cargo-load’ of new learning.

Long story short - the months of reflection time led to a decision to ’spread my wings’ and ‘fly’ where new and challenging opportunities awaited!

For me, the path I had been walking down stopped at the crossroad.  There was no going on through the intersection.  I had to make a choice to the right - or the left!  I didn’t have much of a roadmap - just the reflection-knowledge that the path led to Indy!

I have to digress and tell you that the ONLY job that materialized for me was retail management for one of the country’s largest retailers of women’s clothing.  E-gads, I had to sell clothes!  And on a good day - I did!  Loads of clothes to professional women!  I hated it - not the women, but the job.

Fortunately, fuller, richer better opportunities came my way and I mingled with some of the city’s most famous folks.  I lived in or near the city for the next 16 years of the journey!

As some famous preachers have been heard to say, “stay with me!”  There’s a point to all this.

From the moment my children and I went from intact family to missing a member, I was getting instructions for the next phase.  I was learning how to be ‘quiet’ in a house that was quiet (girls out on their own or away at college).  I had to come to a point of being comfortable with me where I was then.

Much of what I learned during those days, months and years is what I bring here. 

Your life crossroads may not be as dramatic or abrupt as mine, but there’s a connecting thread in each of our crossroad experiences.  For me, the crossroad was total ’starting over’ - emotionally, physically, mentally and financially.  Every life arena was in process of transition when I set foot out of the comfort-zone of life in small town Indiana!

I know I wouldn’t have made the choice I did had I not been forced into a time of reflection.  And I might never have traveled the road that led to here.

The point of sharing personally on the matter of reflection as a key ingredient of the 2nd half of the journey is that the change inherent at the crossroad is more often than not - positive!  It may not look that way or feel that way, but it’s all in what lies beneath how it ’seems’ to be.

Reflection involves trust!  It’s risky!  I may not like what I see or find.  I may not trust my own intuition or ‘gut’ (as we say in psych-language).  I may not know if what I’m encountering in the reflection process is meant to be anything more than a quiet exercise that leads no where.

But once we learn to trust the process, we often find that the exercise process is the roadmap for the next leg of the journey.

And what can I say about risk?  Well if we are going to make history - even if only our own - we’ve gotta’ take a risk!  Many of them, in fact.  Reminds me of one of our members sharing the fears she encountered as she followed her passion.  And the ‘rest of the story’ is that she persevered - taking the risk to push fear off the road!

Yes, my theory is that reflection is the key ingredient for finding our way during the 2nd half of the journey!  The ‘crossroads’ to which we come - either by choice or by circumstance - are ’stoplights’ that reflect the light of discovery.  And discovery leads to choices -choices to trust -trust to taking risks and risk-taking to action - and action to the motion and rhythm that sets the tone for the next leg of the journey.

And remember, there are no ‘detours’ on the road - just roundabout ways to get where we are headed!

I’ve come to a stoplight!  While waiting for the light to turn ‘green’ - I think I’ll engage in a little reflection time.

Tomorrow, I’ll get down, dirty and practical with how to make the reflection process practical for the 2nd half of the journey.

Light’s green!  Have an AWESOME day!

  Linda

Yesterday I started a conversation based on the question asked of me by Emily Roach during our radio interview last week.  I touched on her intrigue with “discovery” as the most important aspect of the 2nd half of the journey.

However, “discovery” doesn’t come without its partner – reflection.  That’s where I’m headed today with our conversation.

I don’t think I need to go to Webster’s to define reflection for any of us.  Basically, it means to “look back” or “into”.  Metaphorically, it’s staring into the ‘pool’ and what I see is ‘me’.  But I do feel a need to make a distinction I think is important. 

What I’m talking about here is “self-reflection” versus event reflection or experience reflection.  Example, I can reflect on the events of 9/11, 2001, remembering all that I saw and heard.  But looking back at that day, it’s how I felt and the personal impact it made on me that relates to “self-reflection”.

Looking back at a day; a week; a month; a year or years events from my personal perspective is the focus of this piece. 

Asking the tough questions, “what did this or that mean to me – for me”.  “How did it impact me?”  “How did I handle it?”  “How was I changed by what occurred or didn’t occur?”

The “this or that” may have been nothing more than a realization – an ‘ah ha’ moment.  A new piece of information that I’d never known before or did and hadn’t given any consideration!  Perhaps it’s a new experience that changes my viewpoint on life and becomes a 2nd half of the journey ‘mantra’ for me.  It may be something so significant as to alter the way I respond to persons, situations, circumstances and events, as well as to me, throughout the remainder of the journey.  It may be a word spoken by another that leads to a whole trail of new thoughts, images, self-concept, other concept, etc.

It may be the ‘something’ that changes me and my life for the rest of my days!

Having said all that, it is my personal and professional theory that the 2nd half of the journey-process begins the day we stumble upon or come in contact with a ‘something’ that is life-changing.  And I mean a ‘something’ that, at some point, impacts every arena of our lives!

What might that be?

I can’t answer that for you.  I can only answer it for me – for myself.  I live in ‘my skin’ – not yours.  Can I lead you or coach you or be a mentor to you as you ‘pick up the pieces’ of something so personally important to you and those who are significant to you – the answer is “yes”.  I may not have had the particular experience or “ah ha” that you’ve had, but I’ll bet you that I’ve had something similar that at its essence is so similar that I can relate to, empathize with or otherwise walk with you through the halls of understanding and meaning-making as a source of encouragement and empowerment.

This sounds like a commercial for ‘coaching’!  Trust me, it’s not.
 
It sounds similar to how Jesus guided his ‘motley crew of ordinary gentlemen’ and gave them what they needed to understand knowledge-wise and the skills to live out what they’d learned in such a way as to have a powerful impact that is still felt today.

Some call it discipleship.  I call it leadership; mentoring; being a friend who nudges me when the going gets tough and I want to sit down at the side of the road and say “enough is enough”.

The Fall of the year – speaking seasonally – has always been ‘my time’.  The time when I get the inner urge to reflect.  Some years ago, I analysed why at this season of the year I was more inclined to stop long enough to begin the reflection process.

Metaphorically (yes, I love metaphors), Fall is the season of preparation for ‘hibernation’.  It is the season when nature prepares to ‘shut down’ for a time of rest.  I look at the plants we put in the ground this Spring and know they will ‘die out’ only to spring to life again next Spring.

Those of us who live in colder climates can more readily relate to the metaphor of changing seasons.  But all of us know the seasonal changes and how each is different from the next.  Fall is that season when I prepare for being forced inside by cold and snowy days of Winter.

My metaphorical sense and life experience tells me that when life circumstances force us “inside for long periods of time”, we are ‘ripe’ for reflection!

As Women of Excellence, we are busy.  We are multi-tasking daily, often moment by moment.  We are goal oriented, super-achievers who pack our days with important activities that are necessary if we are to get it “all done in a day” and get where we want to be.

But we need the ‘humility’ that comes with Winter!  We need the “inside for a period of time” that stops us in our tracks and answers what may be a gentle urging inside to reflect on that urging.

Some of the greatest achievements by women, for women, have come when women take time to reflect on what stirs within!

I don’t want to say all that is “within me” about reflection in just one dialogue.  There should be and most likely will be more for tomorrow and the next day and the next – before we begin to talk about discovery.

After all, we can’t discover until we reflect and get an idea of what it is that we are to discover.  As Laurie Beth Jones said, “Success is cumulative”.  It’s a process.  In fact, all of life is processional. 

But then Women of Excellence know that already!

Tomorrow we have exciting AWP news to share, so look for The Buzz in your inbox at some point during tomorrow.

In the meantime, have an AWESOME today!

  Linda

I have a wonderful friend from high school.  We’ve ‘hung out’ since grade school I think it was so that’s a lotta years!  She sent me this delightful ‘essay’ on growing older.  I think it will speak to you as well – so here it is.

From Pat:

“The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and
let her know.
 
Old Age, I decided, is a gift.
 
I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometimes despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don’t agonize over those things for long.
 
I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I’ve aged, I’ve become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend.
 
I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn ‘t need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.
 
I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon - before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
 
Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?
 
I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 & 70’s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love … I will.
 
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.
 
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.
 
Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and
compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
 
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.
 
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore. I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.
 
So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).”

So here it is!  Be amused, chuckle, shake your head with recognition or lack thereof.   But most of all, enjoy and for those of you who have no ’silver’ hair - look what you have to look forward to!

  Linda

Yesterday I took a day off!  From the computer and from almost everything else as well.  We went to a movie - The Bourne Ultimatum.

I love intricate script plots (this one adapted from the Robert Ludlum ‘Bourne’ series).  The action requires one to assume someone can escape from roof tops by jumping from one to the next, and recover relatively unscathed from massive car crashes - you know the kind of movie that keeps you on the edge of your seat; requires absolute focus in order to follow the weaving plot and is mental escapism at its best.

I needed that!  I think at some points in our busy days, we all need that.  Escape from the real and mundane.  Not that life is ever really ‘mundane’, but you know - the chores and tasks that are anything but a creative endeavor (like laundry, dusting, sweeping, etc.).

The ‘break’ was good!  This morning, a bright sunny day here in Indiana with just a hint of fall in the air - the creative mental processes are back at work and I don’t know quite were to let them land.  Think I’ll start here. . . .

While basking in the heady stuff of the conference, I realized something that had totally escaped me - perhaps escaped many of us who gathered over the past year to put AWP together.

The 2nd half of the journey may have little or nothing to do with chronological age.  We assume it does because we’ve been led to believe that it doesn’t happen until the hormones change - or ‘die’.

But that may not altogether be true!

It occurred to me as I conversed with women who I assumed were not of that age.  Women who understood clearly the vision and mission of AWP and were eager to learn more.

But it was really clarified during the interview with Emily Roach.  Emily is a life coach, woman of faith and has a radio show in the greater Cincinnati, Ohio market.  She made a comment to me (don’t even remember exactly what it was) that turned the light bulb on in my brain and announced, “duh!”

It was the realization that for many women, a change in life perspective - one that occurs for many different reasons - draws them into the 2nd half of the journey.  Not by reason of chrono-age, but by something that occurs in their lives that changes the way they perceive life to be. 

That, dear friends, can occur at any age.  It can and often does in this day and age, happen when we are in our mid-30’s.  The loss of a parent, significant other person, relationship,  or job.  It can be something so subtle as the “death of a dream” - our “dream” of  who we are and what we are meant to be and/or do with our lives - can be the trigger that ’stops the world’ momentarily.  Long enough to cause a mental shift in how we view ourselves and our world.

I think of Kathy’s comment here relative to “Forgotten Women” about her step-aunt who married for the first time at age 65!  As we used to say in our more youthful days - “who would have thunk”!

For AWP purposes, we said the 2nd half begins at 45 - period, simple, amen!  You know - we have to have a ‘target market’ or our ‘niche’.

But that’s not always the case and I said that before and I’ll probably say it again  - over and over.

Metaphorically, it’s like having scales drop from our eyes and life suddenly looks different or our perspective is different.  It may not be a dramatic ‘damascus road’ experience, but it is something - anything that stops us in our busy tracks and gives us ‘pause’ for thought.

In this same vein, Emily asked me to define the single most important thing that relates to the 2nd half of the journey; and to do it in ‘one word’.  Those of you who know me well, know that I can’t say “hello” in just one word (uh hum)!

I tried, but wasn’t too successful.  But the word she honed in on was “discovery”.  And secondly, “reflection”.

Most of us live our lives in a state of amnesic blur!  The hours, days, weeks, months and years pass almost without us realizing it.  We’re busy doing what we need (think we need) to be doing and don’t stop to wonder “what’s it all about” (remember that song, “What’s It All About Alfie“) ?

Then ‘bam’, something happens that gets our attention!  It’s slams us out of our blur and causes us to pause and “take stock”.

I’m almost quoting verbatim one conversation I had with another woman of excellence at the conference who was not 45 by a stretch, who commented kindly that what makes us think that the 2nd half of the journey doesn’t start until we’ve reached the magic age of “45″?

Well, for me it was age 38 and a month.  And then again at age 42+ and again when my Dad died far too soon to suit us.  And again when my Mom died at 80, one day before my 54th birthday.  I recall sitting on her back steps and mulling over the comment of one of her friends who said, “now Linda, you’re the family matriarch!”

It was true - agewise.  In today’s world, 54 is young.  I was too young to take on the matriarchial role - whatever that means.

But at age 38, I was thrust into the role of single parent and I thought I was too young for that role as well.  Never mind, the choice had not been mine to make.

What I’m trying to say is that the 2nd half of the journey may not be defined by our chronological age - only.  It’s more often defined by what life experiences come our way that get our undivided attention for a moment - a moment that changes what we think and perhaps the way we live out the varying seasons that comprise the 2nd half of the journey.

When I wrote the modern paraphrase of Proverbs 31 to define “Women of Excellence”, I didn’t realize that women of excellence come in all sizes, packages, life circumstances - and ages.  I was clearly focused on our intent to be a resource for women who’d reached a certain age (chronological age) in life. 

But age or age is relative.  It can be based solely on the number of years we’ve breathed on the earth - or it can be measured in terms of how much of life we’ve imbibed and how we reacted to or acted upon those moments of change.  Even when the change is something we call ‘menopause’.  That, too is relative with age.

Think about it - it isn’t an event that suddenly comes upon us at the age of 45.  It comes to some long before we might imagine and to others long after they may have hoped for.

Having said all the above after some reflection time of my own - I’m saying the same thing here I said face to face to some less “chronologically mature” than me.  “If you feel yourself to have entered a 2nd half of the journey, PLEASE feel welcome to join us at A Women’s Place!”

And that reminds me, wisdom may be relative as well.  It all depends on how much time we’ve spent - between the necessary chores of life - in reflection and discovery.

It depends on how we react or act upon those life moments that intervene when we are least likely to expect them.

So my encouragement for the day is to take a little time before sleep tonight to sit quietly and reflect on the day’s life events.  Write them down (we call it journeling).  Try attaching some meaning to the ones that stand out in your reflections.  When you begin this process - at whatever age of maturity you have arrived - and you review them from time to time; you’ll recognize a thread running through them. 

But threads, and reflection and discovery are for another day.  If I want you to be slightly impacted by anything I’ve written here, it’s the prompt to engage in reflection time each day - and the encouragement to write down the most significant reflection for the day that comes to mind.

Trust me, when it comes the season of the 2nd half of the journey, to plan for the years when life will not be so full of chores and you ask yourself - “now what” - you’ll be glad you did.

More tomorrow, I hope!  I have to walk from the office to the basement and engage in the mundane task of sorting, washing, drying and folding clean clothes.  Then I have to turn my attention to a dust cloth (Swiffer - I love Swiffer) and sweeper that has been neglected for quite a while in my home.

It is after all, Monday!

Speaking of same - have an AWESOME first day of the work week!

  Linda