This may not be the day to bring this subject to anyone’s attention!  But it’s been on my mind since early this a.m., so here goes:

Yesterday my daughter and delightful younger g’children were dutifully clearing my steps, walk and car from the winter snow and ice that hit Indiana earlier in the week.  I mentioned something about daughter’s husband.

Her response came as a surprise.  “Oh, he’s gotten so negative,” she said!  “He didn’t used to be that way, but now everything’s a downer this and downer that - I can’t take that!”

My response was that my friend Harold is much the same way and added that her sister’s husband can be negative as well.

“It’s a man thing,” I said with some glee I might add.

She went on to comment that it seems the older the two of them get, the more positive she becomes and he becomes less so.  Finally she asked if I thought it really is a “man thing”.

After they left, I mused over that brief verbal encounter and wondered - is it a man thing?

Are men, as they age, more likely to become negative about most everything?  I began to mentally checkout the men I know well to determine if I thought they were becoming more negative.  Yes, it seemed many of them have become so over the years.

Now if it’s the case that women traveling in the 2nd half of the journey become more positive and upbeat; and men become just the opposite, what does that say about the quality of our relationships?

Well I’m certainly not the resident expert on this matter, as no one can be more dour about matters at any age than I can.  However, it occurs to me that it may relate to ‘liberation’!

There’s something about being set free from child-bearing and child-rearing that is absolutely blissful!  As women who are sending the kids off to college or away in marriage, we can almost taste the hint of freedom  that awaits us as we drive out the college gates or watch our sons or daughters head for the honeymoon.

Life begins, I think, when “mom” can be herself again.  Not that those of us who are “moms” don’t relish being one.  It’s that being one full-time can often be the cause of negativity and feelings that somewhere along the path from birth to teenage - we lost our identity as a person - a woman.

We’ll always be mom.  But we won’t always have to be a mom, if you know what I mean.

It reminds me of my college days.  Pursuing the B.A. was a major chore and took loads of time, energy and focus.  Then graduation day came!  Of course, there was still that M.S. to complete, but compared to undergraduate studies, graduate school was a ‘piece of cake’. 

That’s what being mom after being a mom has ended seems like to me.

So what’s that say about the difference between men and women as we both enter the 2nd half of the journey.  Well, in my humble opinion, it has to do with our main focus and task of the early years of life resolving into being set free to pursue the things we’ve always wanted to do, but knew had to wait until “the kids are gone”.

Men, on the other hand, have been “at it” since day one (”I do” day).  And if their j.o.b. or career path is not all that pleasant, then a man may feel ’stuck’.  After all, there’s nothing liberating about being where one doesn’t want to be, but the money’s good.

Life has changed for us all.  But especially for men who used to think that they would retire from the same company they went to work for in their 20’s.  Or thought they knew what they wanted to do for the rest of their lives only now to find out it’s not.  And perhaps they feel ’stuck’.

Trust me, feeling ’stuck’ is pretty depressing and may account for aging males becoming less satisfied with life and therefore more inclined to be negative.

Imagine yourself relaying to a tired husband or male friend the excitement you feel about launching a brand new business that has been your burning passion for years.  You’re invigorated, energized and ‘pumped’ as the kids say.  WELL, he’s not ‘pumped’ and may feel a wee bit envious - all of which leads to negativity.

“Oh you don’t want to do that!”  Or, “how much will it cost?”  Or my favorite, “you wanna do what?”

Having mused on this subject simply because of a few off-hand comments by middle child, I feel somewhat ’smug’.  If I were not a ‘recovering therapist’, I’d probably use this new found wisdom to help a struggling woman understand her husband’s lack of enthusiasm and reluctance to help her launch a new venture.

How wonderful that I can place it here!  Perhaps one of you or one of our many visitors will stumble upon this conversation and be enlightened. 

I know it may sound as if I’m again being ‘anti-male’ and trust me, I love males (not all of them of course).  But there is that inherent difference between the genders and I think women are discovering their ‘liberated’ selves and actually enjoying traveling the 2nd half of the path.

So when the love of your life - spouse or significant friend - is less than eager to clean ice from the steps or some other mundane chore; go easy.  If he isn’t particularly interested in hearing the latest “ah ha” of your liberation years - don’t let it get you down.

My motto is this:  share everything you need to share at least once.  Write it in your journal with the date you told him.  Then just do what you need to do.  When he says “you didn’t tell me you were going to do that” - you have your journal entry to prove you did!  

When the first check comes or the first recognition or the “first” whatever it is comes, trust me, he’ll be proud as punch!

Well, maybe it wasn’t the wrong time to share this, it being Valentine’s Day and all.  Anything I can do to bridge the gender gap is a job well done - whenever it’s done.

That’s all for today!  Have an awesome Valentine’s evening with great love and rich blessings.

Linda