We’ve been talking about “community” with specific focus on ”community” and “transitions”.  Yesterday I raised several questions that I called ‘thorny’ and today I’ll try to answer at least one of them! 

“How do we know if we’ve found true community?  And is it different for each woman?”

As I thought over yesterday’s conversation, it came to me that “community” has to do with “connecting” and developing a “sense of loyalty”. 

We tend to ”connect” with like-minded folks!  That’s a given.  Whether our like-mindedness relates to chronological age; mental outlook, emotional responses to life situations or something as simple as what we think is ‘healthy food’!

Sounds a little crazy, right?  But it’s true.  I’ve heard women go “at it” over adding sprouts or mayonaise to a sandwich!

In my humble opinion, it all comes down to what we value!  What’s important to us!  And yes, that is different for each of us.  While “community” may form around commonly-held values, each of us may have a very different way of expressing those values.

I grew up in a large rather conservative (in those days) Protestant tradition.  It was a small congregation of folks ranging from infant to considerably ‘chronologically mature’.  We were close as a group and some of those relationships have lasted throughout lifetimes.  As a “community”, we held common general values, but there was a dramatic difference in how each of us lived them out.  But there wasn’t a general sense of loyalty to each other although loyalty existed where small groups of communicants (notice the root word here) gathered.  When I left that tradition to explore another, it created quite a ‘flap’ and I was no longer a part of the “community” to which I had given a great deal of time, energy and loyalty!

I share that because it’s a snippet from my own experience that may help us discover true “community”. 

True community ought to last well beyond the decisions and actions of those with whom we have bonded together.  Even if the decisions or actions are diametrically opposed to the shared values!  Isn’t that what we talked about last week when we discussed ’speaking the truth’ in love as a key ingredient of ‘integrity’ and ‘honesty’?

True “community” cannot exist unless there are at least some core values that are held in common by the group.  And there must be some commonly-held life experiences that are the ‘glue’ that bonds us together.

And there has to be a sense of loyalty borne out of a strong sense of safety!  I have to feel ’safe’ when I’m with others or I’ll not expose myself to them!  Maybe a better word than “expose” is “transparency”.  If I don’t feel safe, I won’t let you see who I really am - I won’t be ‘transparent’ and I won’t develop a sense of loyalty.  To the individual or to the group as a whole.

And yes, it will be different for each of us!  What I want from “community” will be slightly different from another and maybe even from the ‘community’ as a whole.

I believe that what bonds us together here at AWP is a little bit of a number of different things.  One is that we are all - regardless of our ‘chrono-age’ - transitioning from season to season!  And we know that!  Some of us - perhaps most of us - have a common faith tradition that draws us to each other.  It may also be that we’re ‘mulling’ changes in life situations or business/career/profession situations and want to bond with others who have arrived at the same point.

Only each of you can answer that question for yourself, but something draws you here.  And I want us to become “community”.  Not “community” that demands ‘marching to the beat of the same drummer’, but learning from each other because we all ‘march to the beat of our own drummer’!

And I want every woman who comes and joins us here to feel safe!  It may take a while, but I feel it’s part of my role to make certain that every woman senses she is safe - and she is!

Tomorrow I’ll explore the other questions I raised in yesterday’s conversation; but hopefully I’ve given some food for thought that you can ‘chew on’ today as it relates to the concept of “community” and all its multi-faceted aspects.

I’m off to the city today for lunch and a ‘beverage break’ with dynamic women of our vintage and venue - so keep me in your kind thoughts and prayers for a safe journey!

Have an AWESOME day with much love and many blessings!

  Linda