Yesterday I talked about the leadership skills of Moms!  Today I want to talk about grown up friendships with our adult children!

One of  my greatest joys has been the friendships I enjoy with my daughters who are now adults.  It seems that what separated us as parent-child has melted away with time and now we relate to each other as adult to adult.  And that’s great!

I raised them to be exceedingly independent.  Two of them were still children when their father died and so we went through the ‘teenage’ years as a house full of just women.  A dear friend who, at the time, was an assistant pastor in town, used to call our house, “Linda’s nunnery!”  And I guess it was somewhat like that.  Talks that began around the dining table that lasted well into the night and the giggles of ‘girls’ sharing some tidbit that usually ended up with my saying, “I didn’t know that!”

There independence made me proud.  I also told them that once they married and had children, their husbands and family came first!  And they’ve followed that advice to the “T”!

Not that when there’s a ‘crisis’ we aren’t there for each other - we are!  But in the day to day routine of life, they do what is necessary to maintain their house, their husbands and their children.  In fact, they’re soooo independent that I often don’t communicate with the middle child, who lives a scant 3 blocks from me, for weeks.  Seasons roll by without hearing from eldest child who is taking their daughter through her last year in high school!

Sometimes, I wish I hadn’t been so rigid about what comes first in life!  Sometimes, I think maybe I should have been more the ‘clinging-vine’ kind of mom.  And then one of them gives me a card for a special occasion that tells me how appreciative she is of her ‘mom’ - just the way I am.

In preparation for writing about this thought today, I reflected on how the transition from MOM to adult friend transpired!  I can’t put my mental finger on any particular moment or season in which it came about.

It just happens!  At some point, they become adults!  Adults with their own lives and circle of friends; children and all that goes with parenting.  And suddenly they come to you with questions that start with “Mom, was it like this or that when we were growing up?”

There are the times we’ve gone shopping at the holidays and I tend to packages and purses while they dash from store to store picking up those prized items on each child’s list!  And then the “ah” moment of the day when we sit down at a favorite restaurant with plenty of time to spare and just talk, talk, talk!  I find it more fun just to listen and inwardly smile when I hear comments like, “I know I’m gonna’ get paid back, I just know it!”  That usually comes because one child or another has pulled something similar to what daughter pulled when she was that age!

Ah, how sweet the memories!  And how sweet that they are now adults.

The conversations are different and more often than not, my opinion counts for something!  And invariably, the talk turns to reminiscing over the times when they were young, and Daddy was still living and the funny (and not so funny) things that happened.

It’s great when they grow up!  It’s great that they took my advice and lead very independent lives that leave just enough distance as not to manipulate or control.

It’s great that they feel the freedom to ride a bicycle with young g’daughter the 3 blocks to g’ma’s house to check on the goldfish and sit a spell on the backporch.

I started this conversation because I wanted to give each of you some wisdom gems about creating great grown up friendships with our adult children.  But it turned out to be a trip down nostalgia lane. 

Hopefully my trip in that direction is a source of encouragement for each of you who have children maturing into adulthood with whom you can now treasure the freedom and joy of grownup adult relationships.

It doesn’t need any special wisdom or words of advice.  I think for those of us who are Moms, it just sort of comes naturally and the transition from “mom” as “parent” to “mom” as “friend” is one of life’s most sacred seasons!

 If that’s where you’ve transitioned at this point - savor the season and treasure grown up friendships with children who’ve grown to adulthood. 

And be grateful we’ve survived the process!

Have an awesome day with much love and many blessings!

  Linda